walking in a winter wonderland

Just kidding!  I am not walking.  I’m crawling, under a truck, with a plow on it. Who the plow guy call when the plow guy gets stuck? Who said that anyway? Walking in a winter wonderland?  Lies.  You know what my favorite thing to do is when its snowing? Stay inside.  I love snow days. I do.  But TWO in a row.  Let’s talk about it.  My kids, they are home, again! And guess who still has to work in spite of the snow? Right, me.  Guess who can’t get any work done because there is screaming, jousting, singing, laughing, crying and stunting going on in her office…. also me.

As I am typing this, my five year old just spilled water all over the floor.  Ok, deep breath, its only water.  Oh, but wait, did I mention just one hour ago he sprayed himself with a can of axe, note that, a CAN of axe.  Now he is both soaking wet, and smelling like mini pimp. Excellent.

Wait, what’s my seven year old doing? Shit, I don’t even know where he is.  *Screams*  Oh there he is, hiding in the closet playing games on his iPad.  Even he is searching for peace and quiet.  That makes two of us kid.

Wait, its lunchtime, they’re STARVING!  Funny guys.  You both took 2 bites of the sandwich you had to have, the one I had to make three different times because you keep changing your mind.  Oh, you want a Taylor ham and syrup sandwich?  Yes, let me get that for you right after I finish vomiting into the sink full of dishes all from this lunch that you didn’t even eat.  Oh, what’s that?  You’re finished.  Good get out of this room and go play.  Wait, why are you calling my name now like there is a pack of wolves chasing you?  I’m running downstairs as fast as I can but my socks are still wet from that water on the floor and now I am on my ass, no big deal, I am coming, the wolves won’t get you, what do you need? Oh, you’re hungry again.  I see.

So I have accomplished nothing today.  But I have learned that my kid’s boogers are “the size of hot dogs”, that he needs 27 tissues to blow his nose just one time, and that he wishes he was a troll.  The other one, back in the closet.  I think its probably naptime… I hope they can fend for themselves. Goodnight.